I had an interesting dream last night... My dream is usually me wondering... maybe trying to find some place... yesterday, I was in some kind of Ryokan with some of my colleagues.. then I went out from the building.. then there was a river.. and there was a bridge.. then a Japanese man and his wife were coming towards me... so I tried to give them space when we came across... but he bumped into me.. then I tried not to listen to him.. but basically what he told me to believe my healer. His wife was disabled but I could tell that she was very spiritual.. She said something about me and tomato. I do not know what that means.. she said I reminded her of tomato.. On Friday, I went to Flower Essence place with my friend.. then my friend was talking about how her mother became very dependent after her husband passed away.. then yesterday, I visited my voice healing friend and we talked to about mother and daughter issue. She introduced me to an interesting book about mother and daughter written by physiological therapist. Then today, I went to the hot therapy with my other friend and we were talking together along the therapy.. she asked question to one therapist and she told her that she had womb cancer and she took womb and ovary when she was 40yrs old and she told us how difficult for women to recover. Once women's womb and ovary were taken out, the hormone balance became mess and they usually have very difficult time.. they feel like going to crazy.. because the hormone can not produced in their body any longer.. when I heard about the story. I remember, my mother had them both taken out when I was 14 yrs old. She did not have cancer but they found some tumour (maybe it did not need to be taken out but you know Japanese hospital.. and I guess she just followed their advice..) Then, I remember, I started to go grocery shopping and cooked dinner etc while she was in the hospital. Then after that.. I do not have clear memory about my high school that much.. like you said, I was stressed.. but I just did not know what to do. Because no body could not find out what was wrong.. but I was pretty sure everybody felt something but no one said anything.. maybe my mother was trying her best to be normal but as her child, I think I was feeling something wrong.. but I never knew what exactly but I think all of my family was very stressed. Maybe this new year, I found a photo of around that time and I felt like I was drown to that time and I remembered how I was feeling then and it was chaos. I love the therapists and the therapist told me that it is important to forgive her because she was doing the best she could.. and I must have been feeling great deal of stress.. but no one could find out what was wrong exactly.. and probably it is time for me to forgive my mother and feel her experience not as her daughter but as a woman. I tried to hide my stress because I could not take it then. Y.T
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